Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Quantum Quips #6: Snooki's new 'do! Jacking Your Caddy and more!

SNOOKI'S MUG SHOT

All I can say about this member of MENSA is "at least she didn't have that big old storage shed on her head this time, but apparently the Progressive Insurance lady jacked it."

THE BEST THING ABOUT HLN [HEADLINE NEWS] WEEKDAY MORNINGS

Is Robin Meade and that crazy weather guy Bob Van Dillen from Jersey in the morning make apocalyptic news seem fun.  Also, Robin is an awesome singer and most pleasing to the eye test.

RICH PAYING BEAU-COO BUCKS FOR MATCHMAKING

The news this morning says that some of the rich, who claim to be too busy to find love, are paying up to a half million dollars to find somebody to love at these high end matchmaking services, mainly to avoid gold diggers. 

Mel Gibson's ears just perked up.  I'm thinking he probably met Oksana on myspace and we all know what happened next.

LEBRON THANKS AKRON FANS, SNUBS CLEVELAND

The legend in his own mind took out a full page ad to thank his fans in Akron, yet was dead silent about Cleveland.  I suppose he still might be a little miffed about Cleveland essentially burning him in effigy.

SARAH PALIN ACCUSES OBAMA OF NOT HAVING BALLS

This from a "person" wanting to ban the Spanish language and yet, in her hypocritical stupor, uses the word "cojones."  Maybe Obeezy should just say, "funny you say that, as just the other day they were slapping you in the ass." 

Seriously, though, this arrogant little bitch should have a big cup of shut the fuck up.  Or maybe two.  And by the way, she gives new meaning to the word, "honky" as that shrill voice sounds like a witch scraping her uncut fingers against a blackboard making all the dogs within a light year start baying at the moon.  Or is it mooning at the bay? 

Anyhizzle for shizzle, I do wish she would just go back to pretending to be a housewife and a half term governor so our ears will stop bleeding.

TO MOSQUE OR NOT TO MOSQUE

I am no fan of religions, but I haven't forgotten that this country was founded on religious freedom and even freedom from religion.  Looks like most folks have forgotten their history as they rant about the proposed building of a mosque near Ground Zero in NYC.  I may not like the idea, but I would fight for the right for such a thing to be built and many Americans have given their lives for protecting that right.  Maybe it's time to find what we have in common instead of looking at our differences.  I'm just sayin'.

CADILLAC ESCALADE MOST STOLEN CAR IN THE NATION

Which indicates it just might be wise to hide your sweet ride and just leave your 4 cylinder boxey POS out in the street.

And that's all the hubbub, bub.
This has been the Quantum Mechanic®, your favorite hypercube, messing around with quarks so you won't have to.

Monday, August 2, 2010

Dead Celebrity Greetings are here!

Dead Celebrity Greetings are here!

Quantum Quips #5: Justin Bieber's Writing A Memoir??!!

Quantum Quips #5 - Justin Bieber writing a memoir?!

Current mood:chairman of the bored stiff

BE AFRAID....BE VERY AFRAID.... IT'S QUANTUM QUIPS #5!

I'm going to try to avoid politics this time as it just makes me all Mel Gibson-y and I really don't want to stress what's left of my little black heart.

JUSTIN BIEBER TO RELEASE MEMOIR?!

A memoir? Who is he, Ghandi? He can sing, I grant you that, but hells bells, all this attention to celebrities as if they were Gods is about as useful to society as a 57 megaton hydrogen bomb. In other words, get a frickin' life. And Biebs, old sod, you're just a singer, not God's gift to mankind. If indeed you were the gift, I'd sure as hell hate to see the punishment.

Remember when folks like Nelson Mandella, Bishop Desmond Tutu, Mother Teresa actually were thought of as celebs? Now, we have singers, jailbirds, narcissistic athletes [cough] Lebron and the like. C'mon, America, find your heroes in folks who actually DO SOMETHING for society. Oy and vay.

SYFY'S MOVIES SUCK SO HARD THE SUPERMASSIVE BLACK HOLE AT THE CENTER OF THE MILKY WAY IS JEALOUS

Fixing the HDTV, I had the sci-fi channel on to test audio and there's a movie about a shark attacking a big passenger plane in mid-air.

Give. Me. A. Frickin'. Break.

Syfy™, or whatever you want to call yourselves this year, did you actually PAY somebody for that script? I could write better material drunk and after two consecutive lobotomies. Oy and vay, again.

BTW, the shark in the movie is called Megalodon.  Hmmm...sounds like a mafia boss who has had way too many pizzas.  Oy and double vay.

THERE'S ACTUALLY A MICHAEL JACKSON CASINO GOING ONLINE

...and your winnings will be paid in Propofol.  "When it's proper to fall, try Propofol!" Honestly, anybody who would actually spend their hard-earned or even stolen cash on an online casino has got to be brain dead or at least lobotomized. The shills who put out such a thing should be strung up by their thumbs and then shot in front of a public firing squad. What's next, shares in the Brooklyn Bridge?  Cheesits H. Crispness™.

LINDSAY LOHAN RELEASED FROM HOOSEGOW

The press made this into as important a story as when Wikileaks leaked those supposedly classified documents. It seems that our society and our media are obsessed with 1. criminal stupidity or just 2. plain stupidity.

I care about her doing anything about as much as I care about how many blades of grass are on my neighbor's lawn after my imaginary dog pee'd on it. In other words, I don't give a shit to the level that two train cars of Ex-Lax would not help™.

Get a life, people, these people are not celebrities. Celebrities are folks like Mahatma Ghandi, Mikail Gorbachev, or Nelson Mandela, who just had a birthday and the news barely mentioned him.

Peace and peas, ya'll™.

Quantum Mechanic®

brought to you by:

THE SOUP®
Soup Poll: Lilo's Rehab Redux

Reports say LiLo is a bipolar meth freak. Can it be true?

      40.0% Outrageous. As Samantha Ronson will tell you, Lindsay's only bipolar curious
      20.0% UCLA? At least she's going to college
      20.0% No way. She’s obviously just a bipolar alcoholic
      20.0% No big deal. It’s all part of the script. This is a reality show, right?