BITS OF TID - Friday the 13th Edition

 FIRST LADY WATER BROKE?

So now idiots are bashing the First Lady because she just advises to drink more water?? Water???? Cheeses Flocking Crispness...ever since I was a little kid, always was advised to drink more water to 1. clean out your kidneys, 2. clean out poisons from your body, 3. to stay hydrated, 4. to have before meals to make you less prone to over-eat, etc., etc. We're 70% water, so what the hell is the big deal? I suppose if she said breathe more deeply they'd be chasing her with pitchforks??? Take a tranq, people. And stop watching Fox News. It's rotting your brain.

BETTE DAVIS EYES??
So Julie Chen had surgery on her eyes to make her look less Asian so she could get better jobs? Did I wake up in mofuggin Taliban City or is this America? Cheeses H Crackerjack, this racist bullpuckey is getting old.

BRAINLESS AMOEBAS WANT TO ENGULF YOUR BRAIN
CNN doing a story on "is your water safe" and they're saying it's okay to drink, just don't get it up your nose or an amoeba might eat your brain???!! What in the happy horse hockey hell on hamburger hill? I guess getting that Brita water bottle was a good decision after all.

JUMPIN' JACK FLASH IT'S A NATURAL GAS
To the chick on that ad for America's Natural Gas....if you think riding a bus running on natural gas is "doing your part" to help the environment, you're as delusional as that annoying valley girl accent of yours. "Doing your part" is riding a bike to work instead of getting in the SUV gas guzzler you have in your driveway you use to go two blocks to buy an overpriced Latte. Doing your part is to stop buying microwave meals with packaging that causes landfills to be larger than football fields and get off your lazy ass and make a f#ckin' salad or even a sandwich and throw it in a Tupperware for lunch at work. Turn off the lights in rooms you don't use. Don't run the faucet for an hour just to get colder water. Just some small "doing your part" things. Riding a bus ain't cuttin' it, hun. Rilly? Fer sure.




INSTANT GRAMIFICATION
Instagram...when your mom finds out you're pregnant.


FRIDAY THE 13TH IS A WEE HOLLOW
It's going to be spooky today as it's Friday the 13th. 13 is 31 backwards so October Friday the 13th may be the harbinger of very strange things...like John Boehner becoming a democrat for a day, or Ted Cruz becoming normal for a day, or Putin on the Ritz Cracker wearing lipstick, a tu-tu and of course, no shirt.

FINAL THOUGHT
Eternal, unconditional love to the people suffering from the floods in Colorado, the people whose livelihoods were destroyed in Seaside Heights, NJ by fire, and the refugees from Syria who are starving to death as a result of the brutal Assad regime.